Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, 2009

I generally love summertime, popcorn blockbusters, but this movie was an abomination. The story was so convoluted and unbelievable that I did not care about any of the characters, especially the transformers themselves. I fell asleep on it four times. Two big thumbs down.

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This movie was so bad, an not just because I'm cranky and feel that a large portion of my childhood has been stripped away and molested by LeBuff, but for very solid reasons. For starters, the easiest way to prove this movie was a failure, is that the twins robots had more lines than Optimus Prime. And this is sad because until this movie, I did not realize that Transformers came in only two types. 1) Inner city Ghetto, and 2) Redneck as Hell. This movie held to none of the original good guy versus evil passion of the television show but instead even goes so far as to try to make Optimus Prime a bad ass who has no remorse in killing, which, while it may SOUND attractive, isn't who he is, and by incorporating this aspect into his personality completely crushes his character making him both unlikable and boring. My main problem with this movie, both the first and this one in fact, is the focus of the storyline on the human (LeBuff). This is not LEBUFF 2, its TRANSFORMERS 2. The story, as with the show, should have focused on the Transformers and their struggles and not, as it were, on the humans. A couple more things that made this movie weak was the poor distinction between the transformers. Half the time you didn't know who was good or bad, or who was even a transformer and was actually just a regular car. The original show made a clear distinction of who was who by, again, focusing on the transformers as the main characters and not the humans. And while the main storyline was weak, what ruined the movie was the lack of focus in the right direction to make it enjoyable and well structured. The humans needed to be secondary characters with more effort devoted to distinction between the transformers themselves. As far as special effects they were not that bad, but on a personal note making the transformers look like they were basically made of piles of junk was a very weak choice. The television show presented them as complete and solid creatures due to the limits of animation in the day, but it had its strength as well, and making them look like they could fall apart at any time with exposed wires and machinery, especially evidenced by the unnamed Devestator in the latter part of the movie, it just serves to make them look like piles of junk that have escaped the dump. In all this movie had severe weak spots that made it a poor choice to watch for quality or story, but would probably make a good drinking game because that is the only way I can imagine making it through the movie.

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Wow. Just wow. I knew this film was going to be bad (Michael Bay has never been one for such silly things as "plot" or "stuff not blowing up every 5 seconds") but this movie really went UNDER my expectations. The film is just a mess. It takes the term "assault on the senses to such a low state that it renders the term null and void. It took everything I didn't like about TF1 and kicked it up to 11. Now I must admit that I did like TF1, but this one is much worse. Some apologists have tried to defend this movie by saying "It's only big, dumb action, no need for a story" but since when did films not require a plot? Just because I like butter on my popcorn doesn't mean I want to eat an entire stick by itself. Most of the humor in here seems like outtakes from American Pie 76: Stifler's best friend's cousin's wife's friend's boyfriend. (If it's not good enough to be in American Pie, it's not good enough to exist, period) Before I throw my laptop on the floor in anger over this movie, I must sum up this movie in 2 words. EPIC FAIL.

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