The Goods: Live Hard. Sell Hard., 2009

Hello, Mr. Car Dealership, I'd like to get $4,500 to trade in this clunker. "Why, Mr. Kazz?" Well, for starters, it makes obscene noises every time it turns a corner. It also has a tendency to stall outÂ… Oh, I almost forgot. It also honks wildly and swerves to try and hit homosexuals for no apparent reason. "It sounds like that clunker is in rough shape. Here's $4,500." I wish. Jumper cables couldn't save The Goods from its own wretchedness. Jeremy Piven is the only reason I did not walk out of this movie, and he wasn't good either, but I really tried hard to like his character. Piven plays Don "The Goods" Ready, a contracted car salesman who specializes in pulling dealerships from the brink of bankruptcy. He's hired by Ben Selleck (James Brolin) to sell 211 cars on the July 4 weekend. Why was this film not released near July 4? Because it's terrible. One star. Read the full review at tinyurl.com/filmfan

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