Earth, 2007

Documentaries, nature and otherwise, need to follow one rule first and foremost: Present something new. The Discovery Channel, while normally leading the way in innovative nature presentations, recycles old footage and tries to condense an 11-hour documentary into 90 minutes. The result is fragments of what made "Planet Earth" original. This documentary follows – no, not follows, just kind of checks up on – three animal kingdom families. There are the polar bears, a family which has a father out on the thinning ice looking for food and a mother raising two cubs. There's the humpback whale mother-son tandem migrating to the South. And then there's the elephant herd with a calf desperately needing water. The hidden message, of course, is to change the way we live our life so that our wildlife can continue to survive. As if the Discovery Channel hadn't already made that loud and clear. I'm not discrediting it or global warming or the positive effects of sustainable living. I'm just saying this movie is a bore, and if anyone saw a glimpse of "Planet Earth" then you've seen Earth. A way to make this better would be to omit that barely-passable attempt at a plot and just tell it like it is: Our ice caps are melting, polar bears are dying, whales can't find food and elephants are thirsty because deserts are spreading. I've seen that movie, too. It's called Encounters at the End of the World. Who directed that? Only the best documentary film maker that ever lived: Werner Herzog. This movie is worse than watching time-lapsed grass grow. Wait, that's in it. This movie is worse than watching time-lapsed ice thicken. Wait, that's in it. This movie is worse than watching paint dry. Ah, one of the few things that's not in this movie. tinyurl.com/r5zy3z

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